it made all the difference

You know what? School is almost over. So here's what I'm thinking. Let all the bad go so that there's enough for the good and more. Looking back I wished a few things never happened but they did and I can't change them. There's only a year left and they say it's supposed to be the best, the one you don't want to miss. So now, I'm not going to worry about those problems or that awkwardness because there's not enough time and it's not worth it for either of us. I want the rest of my time to be filled with smiles that don't seem to fade and laughs that cause us to gasp for air. With those combined, it will give us the memories that will last for years to come. Who really knows if we'll keep in touch after we've all left Apollo. Years later, we'll look through our yearbooks and wonder where those years have gone but hopefully remember those moments we had. Even if we aren't friends till the end, we don't have to take it in a negative way. We can take it as a new direction.

dog ate it...

People say that they don't care. 95% of the time they do. But it’s the other 5% that needs to be on your mind. Perhaps the events that had taken place didn’t matter. Ever heard of the little boy who cried wolf? Probably not, he’s dead and just like your problems, doesn’t matter because I don’t care. If you’re my friend, I’ll listen. If you’re my friend, you’ll know when to stop. Usually I’m ok with the rants and venting because I do care, but only if I think of you as a friend. If you don’t have it done by the time it’s needed in class, not make a huge scene and freak out like some 4 year old in a grocery store. Need a time out much? Teachers hate it and believe it or not, everyone pretty much does too. The year’s coming to an end and next year we’ll be seniors. Some of us will even spend part of that time taking more advanced courses at the college. It’s time we all took responsibility and punishment like adults. No need for the sass or the panic attacks. All that can really be said is GROW UP.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair

Things may not be what they appear. Some people may be your friend but turn out to be just someone who put up with you. At one point they might have considered you a friend, but some buttons were pushed and lines were crossed. Even to a point where there's no change it. You wouldn't even know how long they've been wanting to push away because you'd be too obsessed with your boyfriend or with your own life to even listen.So now they're gone, and your there. The question that should be floating through your head would be "was I a friend?". Probably not. But now it's too late and things are better off; no regrets. Or maybe a few.

P.E.T.A

Many people believe the people from PETA are quite crazy. I agree, they are. But behind every crazy idea, there's some kind of solid foundation. All the animals are being tortured, killed, tested on and etc. Things may not appear to be as bad as you think but after you see their video on how the animals are treated, you tend to give them a second thought... Dogs are thrown on the ground and skinned alive. Cats are taken from homes, gassed, then pumped with formaldehyde. I know i wont become as crazed and passionate about this as the PETA members are, but i do believe something should be done. Even something as positive as the circus abuses animals (ask steve-o). Even if it's just everyday life, remember, "in silence they suffer, in loneliness they die"...

1, 2, 3, jump

Everyone gets those twists and turns with confronting something that makes them feel uneasy. From pressure to butterflies, anything really. Prom's coming up and i'm just wishing there's no rain. Hoping it'll be a good day that won't have much falling or crying (from other people at least). Everyday is about taking chances and hoping you don't fall with everything else around you. Excel in everything you do, and maybe (just maybe..) you won't regret anything... that day.

P.S. I just saw the smallest NEMO ever... too cute... i want

knock knock

A joke is only a joke till a certain point. Taking even just one step farther could change the mood drastically. With that moment ruined it could also ruin their thought of you. There's no need for the nudge off the deep end. If at that point they still talk to you, they might even have a grudge against you for the rest of the time they know you. Pull it back, and take a breath. If you don't, i might have to stab you.

did i do that?

this week has been way too hectic. from losing my textbook and glasses case to finding them but losing my glasses case that very same day. then losing my wallet and finding it the next day after canceling my accounts and credit cards. Oh and i can't forget that i forgot my text books just siting out in the hallway. pretty sure i need something to help me remember better. Why is this week so full of losing everything?

changing the present to make the future worth so much more

After rereading my first post, I've decided to take back the age in which I wanted to be at peace. I've given it more thought and it seems that after high school, I would have to attend 12 more years of college to get where I want to be. By then I would be around 28. That doesn't give me much time in the career I worked so hard to be in. It seems another chapter in you life starts after you finish school and when you're really in the real world. When you're in college, you're given more decisions and responsibilities but you can still have an authority figure to fall back on. In the work place, there's usually no one but yourself to blame.

want it over with

It's almost spring break, thank god. I don't know how much more I can take. I've got my weekend partially planned and I'm working on the whole license thing =p i really don't feel like getting it yet. I do but don't. I guess if i want the freedom then it's definitely needed. One more day of school. Let's hope it's a good one.

ring ring...what?

The sun has gone to sleep and now it's my turn. Thinking about the day and a thought came to mind, "do i make decisions without even knowing it?" Here's how this came up. I still don't my phone so when I spoke to a friend, they mentioned that it was the first time in a month. Of course I didn't mean anything about it, but I was feeling clustered and suffocated by all the people around me. Not being able to text people has kind of given me more room. I do feel lost without my phone =p I usually have to borrow someone's phone or take my mom's for a while. I realized that I shouldn't have depended on it so much, I had everything thing in there. From my allergies to my checking account number. perhaps with my next phone things will be different..

Saturday March 13, 2010

Tripped up the two steps while trying to get to the front desk for check out. Both the women sititng behind the desk stand up too take a better look. I shoot up and assure them that I was fine. I wanted to get out quickly and couldn’t wait for the car ride back to Nashville. I was finally getting my phone back, or so I thought. When we got back to Nashville we stopped in at Hooters but being girls, we got ignored, again. We stood there for 15 minutes till we just grabbed some random girl and told her what we wanted. She told us she would get the manager which took another 15 minutes till he showed up. Then he preceded to ask what was the problem. First their service, second my phone. Only mentioning the phone, “Nick” procceded to head to the back. LONG story short. They left my phone on the bar when there was only 10 minutes till closing left even though they told us they would place it in the safe. The next day when we called “Nick”, he so rudely told us he didn’t have it and that it wasn’t in the d*** safe. And that he couldn’t do a d*** thing about it. Douchebag… you said you had my phone and then you lost it. Great. Love it.

Friday March 12, 2010

Waking up at 4 am is exactly what I thought it would be, impossible. After the extra 30 minutes Dixy gave me, we went on our way to Memphis for the college visit. The whole car ride seems too blurry for me to recall every moment but I do remember nodding most of the time. I thought to myself, if she wasn’t going to sleep, either was I. When we got to Rhodes College we review all the advice people had given us. “It’s such a pretty school but don’t go outside of the fenced area, they’re part of the hood.” It was small but still big in some ways. The class we attended only consisted of 13 students. One of who was an alumni from Dixy’s school, Mercersburg Academy. It was a nearly impossible coincidence but it happened. After those 4 hours or so, we went off to our next hotel so what we could get ready for the NBA game, Grizzlies vs. Nicks. It was actually kind of sad at the crowd’s enthusiasm. The game would’ve been so much better if there hadn’t been some old man trying to take pictures of us and sending them to his cousin. That definitely ruined most of the time I had there. We got back to the hotel and since they ran out of keys, we had to get housekeeping to repeatedly open the doors for us. In both hotels that we’ve been in, we slept on the top of the bed. We were a little too worried to go under the covers.

Thursday March 11, 2010 cont...

Driving back to the hotel, I examined the car for my phone. At this point I wasn’t in a panic because I thought I had lost it three previous in our short drive, I had just figured it was another one of those moments. Dixy looked around for her phone to call mine but hers seemed to be nowhere. I found it behind her seat. We got all hyped up for nothing. Next she proceeded to call mine. No sound. So she decided to try again and once again nothing. Feeling quite depressed, I just ignored it and walked into the hotel room. She was very persistent when she decided to call Hooters. Twice they picked up and put us on hold, then hung up. The third time we called we made sure we got to the point so that their brain (as tiny as their clothing) could comprehend. Yes, they had it. Since Dixy had accidently locked her keys in the car and we had to wake up at 4 am, we told them we would come pick it up on Saturday. They told us that was fine and that they would place it in the safe. So we went to sleep.

Thursday March 11, 2010

I had to pack the day before for my trip to Memphis. Dixy and I would meet up in Nashville and then make our way through. The whole ride to Nashville, I kept thinking about the chances that Dixy and I would be to get into the hotels since technically it’s illegal to be in a hotel room without someone 18 or, in some hotels, 21. But after all that worrying, we got in just fine after I showed my “pretty pretty picture” or in normal words, my id. For some reason, Dixy wanted the room on the first floor. It wasn’t exactly the best idea but I support it… after we locked and chained the door. Once we settled into our room, we headed out to downtown Nashville and walked along the drunken streets. About 30 min in, I finally noticed all the UK fans running around wild and screaming. As we walked along the crowded streets, Dixy saw a basketball game through a Hooters window. One of the players just happened to be someone she used to go to school with. We went in and sat for about 5 mins. I usually keep my phone in my back pocket so when I sit I take it out. Feeling awkward inside of the Hooters, we quickly departed for the car.

doodle this

Yankee Doodle went to town
A-Riding on a pony;
He stuck a feather in his cap,
And called it macaroni.

Doodle first came around meaning fool or idiot. When macaroni is mentioned, it’s meant to mean macaroni wig. The little song means that the Yankee’s are so uncivilized and lower in class that just sticking a feather in their hat would make them part of the high fashion.

Take a chance, little turd

Yesterday my ALY group was excused early out of school so that we could present to College View Middle School. It wasn't as bad as I had pictured it. Even though we might have mess up a few of our skits we still went on. After school had ended we waited around for our ride and we thought we would visit the band director. Some short, blond, irritable, old lady walks through the doors and yells at us. She tells us to get out and without another breath, she opens the door to the band room and yells “GET OUT! NOW! OR ILL GET THE PRINCIPAL”. Shocked at the way the teachers treat the students there, my friend and I decided that we didn’t want to deal with them so we waited out in the cold, cold weather. We see the little old lady once more before we leave and it’s while she was leaving. Right when she opens the door to leave she points at us two and yells “AND THEM TOO”. Ok… well then, that’s nice. For the 15 minutes we were out side, only 1 of the 6 teachers we saw smiled and finally some lady told us to wait inside so that we wouldn’t get a cold. Since Chels can’t handle the cold very well, we went through one of the doors but didn’t go back into the school. As we sat there just talking and waiting, another teacher was approaching the door. He first pulled on the left door but it seemed to be locked. Right when I start standing he pulls on the other side and it opens. So what else can I do other than sit back down. He told me that was nice of me and that I was a nice girl. Umm thanks.. He complimented us on our skits and apologized for the “little turds”. By this he meant the students (which kind of shocked me). As he left for the center of the school, I felt sad. I felt sorry for the students. They were all grouped as “little turds” and weren’t given a second chance. If yelling is your teaching method and it doesn’t seem to be working, change it. Don’t assume you know who they all are just because of a few trouble makers. Maybe it’s not them who’s the problem… maybe it’s you.

flying time

So as I was going through my February blogs, I noticed that most of them were basically me writing nothing. All the randomness and mess of a blog was just me typing without really thinking. I will admit that the only reason I’m writing these blogs is because I need the points from them. Got to bring that grade up =p . So here’s more of me being random.

I like the show House. But since the main character went to rehab (not in reality, I think...), the episodes aren’t too great. Right now I’m watching one of the newer ones but I’m still skeptical to say if it’s as great as it once was.

I painted a tee shirt for AYL and the paint is still stuck on my nails even though I’ve scrubbed at them. Paint is always fun to play with. AYL on the other hand isn’t always as fun. I don’t see the point in perpously making myself look stupid but I guess I have no say. I suppose I’ll just suck it up and get over it since it’s only for one day. I’m so close to dropping out of it… it just seems to waste my time.

Lots of things waste my time…. But I guess I waste most of it. Unless I’m dreading what I’m going through, time usually flys by. Nothing you can do to stop it, just as nothing can be done to speed it up.

say what???

This weekend was filled with lots of plan changes and sudden plans. I’m trying to plan for the next weekend already. Hopefully I’ll be able to go to Tennessee for a little while and meet up with my friend. I’ve got the ride back, just need the ride there. I haven’t seem my friend in such a long time and it’d be a fresh breath of air to see her again. Even though both of us keep moving from state to state, we still go back to the state we met in to meet back up. She never seems to change everytime I see her, it’s one of the reasons I love being around her. She makes every problem seem smaller and she’s always up for anything random. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends here also. With all the inside jokes we have, I always end up busting out laughing in the middle of class. I gotta say, high school would be nothing without all the friends who have your back or stay up late laughing about nothing. A year and a half left, lets make it matter.

Fake it

How many people do we know who are fake? Or even fake things? Why is it that people feel the need to please others? I don’t know. I really just thought it was a cute picture. I thought I’d try to start something with the picture but it’s not happening. I’m really tired and I’m in the process of getting rid of a cold so I’m very relieved that half of the people I have classes with aren’t here. Now, today is basically a free day for me to catch up with my work. I’m stressing about the schedule for next year, no one seems to be able to answer my questions so I’m left in the dark for the most part. At the moment, I’m just sitting in the sophomore biology class while they’re taking their test. I wonder if the sound of me typing is bothering them. But then again, even if I knew it was I probably wouldn’t stop. They can just suck it up. They’re going to need to learn how to work with distractions because life’s full of it. SO GET OVER IT, and just stare at the very cute kitty =D

Tiny spaces

I love my friends and I always will but sometimes they get a little too close. I feel bad for saying it but sometimes I do like sleeping till 12 in the afternoon rather than getting text messages that start rolling in around 10. I usually always answer my texts and if I don't then im busy... don't turn to calling me right after. Seems kind of clingly... and I don't need more than one text telling me the same thing. Maybe I don't want to talk.... maybe i don't want to blog... well...maybe later =p

BooHoo

In the book of life every page has two sides: we human beings fill the upper side with our plans, hopes and wishes, but providence writes on the other side, and what it ordains is seldom our goal.

I’m the kind of girl that when you see me, you see this happy, smiley, Asian girl. Some people think I’m so happy when in reality I just strive for indifference. School life compared to my life is nothing. Everyone has stress from school, it’s nothing new. But no matter where I am, I put on a happy front. I’m not too sure why but it happens. All the things that should get me mad or make me cry, I just hold in and let it go. I rarely have moments where I explode with anger or any kind of emotional out bursts. When you break down and sob because you’re put in an awkward situation or because life isn’t going your way, I find you quite annoying. When I see you crying at the most irrational and random times, I want to tell you to suck it up. I don’t understand when people just blow it off and say, “oh it’s nothing”. I suppose I see it as something bigger and more private. I put on a smile and when others believe I’m ok, for a second I forget I’m not. Life’s hard but you’re not the only one going through the tough times. They may not be the same situations but they’re still obstacles. I think people should think of crying as more of a way to vent then just something to do.

pushed a little too far and a little to hard

You say no one will like me
But heres a newsflash which I'm sure others would agree,
Who’s the one with all the friends
Not sitting alone or with the dead ends?
There’s nothing wrong with being original
So try not to steal thoughts from your little criminal
Trevor the frogger is a logger
And he’ll be smushed by a blogger
So who else do you have, except this little frog
It seems your alone all lost in the bog
It’s your own fault
You let him take control and bring your life to a hault

You say I’ve got problems
Just look at your life and some
With time passing by you said you’d change
Instead now, things are somewhat deranged
But now I’m way passed waiting
And so close to hating
I may not be perfect
But my time? Now, you’re not even worth it
The wicked witch of the west
Was more of a best

You say you can fight
But that’s so far from being right
I know I can count on you
To go tell everyone about this too.

You can say what you want
But not me they’ll haunt
To be honest
Why should I even care at the least?
I’m done
And writing this poem was quite fun

I SAY, you’re a hypocrite
With rarely any wit
It’s actually quiet ironic
That your problems are chronic
Come say it to my face
Never mind that's just a waste
What else is there to say
except that I’m ok
Say what you want but I’m laughing the whole time
And this is way better than yours, because it rhymes


(rhymes added by others also)

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
Looking back at my old pictures and conversations with people, I get the same feeling I had when it first happened. If your down, it brings back memories from a better time. All the feelings from the inside jokes and butterflies you felt then come rushing back. It's good to remember the past but you should always look towards the future. Go for new memories and experiences that bring up even better feelings. Never let the stress and anxiety you feel now keep you down (even though i have three test tomorrow). Here's a random thought. Lately things have been too ironic. Some aren't too bad but a few are.. unwanted? I suppose someone who is ironic is somewhat a hypocrite. Not to say I don't still care for them, but it just bugs me a bit to think that they tell people not to do one thing but do it themselves. Wonder if they'll grow out of it or if it'll pass... here's to me hoping so.

Try looking another way

Everything is okay in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end.
I suppose you can think of it as if it's never over. You may feel as if it's so tiring and you would do anything to change it. Yeah, well so does every other person. Why do you think, even though I hate driving, that I would want to get a licenses? Everyone in Owensboro knows each other and each other's business. That's just a little too close for me. I need a change in scenery. Hence the reason I love road trips =) Doesn't matter where just going some where different so I can go off and explore. Life's way too mundane and leaves too many questions left unanswered. So the question is, "How can we change it?"

Shame to who?

Everyone gets into a fight every once in a while. It’s how you deal with it that’s important. Is it harder to fight with dignity or surrender in shame? I believe one should at least try their best and give it their all before giving up. You can’t always be fighting and there’s always a time where enough is enough. No matter the fight, whether it’s physical fight with an acquaintance or a emotional fight with family, backing down isn’t shameful, it’s mature and probably the better choice in a long run. Fighting only brings up new troubles after finishing one. And just because you choose to fight, doesn’t mean it a justified fight. The people that deserve no shame are those who avoide fights that do nothing for them. Before making the first move, go through your options and go with the best. There’s nothing wrong with being prepared.

Kitty kitty

Curiosity killed the cat. How? I don’t understand… Never did. I suppose I’m being curious at the moment but I seem to be breathing. How did the kitty die? Well after some research, it turns out that the proverb started as “care killed the cat” and care was used to express the meaning of worry or sorrow. It actually means “inquisitiveness can lead one into dangerous situations”. Well… that’s a nice thought. People are so hypocritical. They say asking questions is good and that there are no stupid questions (just stupid people =p). I believe that curiosity and confuse rule the world. How would things be discovered without curiosity and confusion? Let’s say they started out confused about something. They would probably keep at it till they figured it out because of their curiosity. I may not be making sense but love the “keep going” attitude I showed while attempting to make a point =)

loving sister?

Yesterday was interesting. My sister came home for the day because she was in need of surgery. Since I had no school, due to weather, I stayed home and slept. Because I was up by the she had just arrived home, I have come to the conclusion that she had woke me up. I leave my bed and meet her at the foot of the stairs. I look at her and ask, “how was it?”
She replied:
Tiffany-what’s this? *pokes gauze*
Me- crap…*blink blink*
Tiffany- oh… then what’s this? *terrified look*
Me- your tongue??
Saddened by the fact that I had miss placed my laser pointer, I looked for other objects that would get her attention. And with the luck I have, of course, I found nothing. For some reason, every time my sister is sick or incapacitated, I have to take care of her. If it’s me that’s feeling unwell or anything, she just comes to my room to bother me or attempt to prove that I was faking. So even though it takes me an hour to sleep, I got back out of bed and went down stairs to heat up Italian-style soup for her to squish in her mouth. Now, when I’m on my way home, I have to pick up more soup and more mushy crap up from Walmart… I wonder what I can get her to eat… if she gets desperate I’m sure I could get something nasty… loving sisters.

yippe bow wow

If MY dog was to give advice on life, make sure no one will step on you. I have a small Chihuahua who shakes constantly. No, I don’t pull a Paris Hilton and put my dog in a bag but I do talk to her. After all these years I’ve had her she’s still so hyper, you figure she would slow down from all the years bearing down on her. But like they say, “You never know how much they mean until they’re gone”, definitely true. I already have regrets and she’s not even gone =p She’s only about 5? Maybe… I can’t ever remember her age. I do, however, know that her birthday is June 19 (SO hard to remember since mine is June 18th). Don’t take things for granted. She’s not even gone yet and I already do.

to be or not to be one of them?

I’m one of those girls who love people. Maybe not big crowds but I warm up to them pretty quick. Even though I love hanging out with people I do need my time part from them. I’m not saying I hate them but I use the time to think :p (yes, I think). Other times, all I what is to be with friends and not think about anything. If I pretend to be ok then my friends will think I am, then, just for a little while, I forget I’m not.

I’m not one of those girls who get all depressed over some guy. I will admit that I almost became one of those girls, but luckily I got out of it quick enough. No matter whom they are, boy or girl, I just don’t see the point in trusting them. To say “you are just like the rest of them, no shock there”, maybe me making an excuse for them when they seem to disappoint. For me there are different levels of trust. Although a few of my friends know my darkest secrets, not one knows all of them. I guess I don’t like expressing myself too much but that’s because it’s usually none of your business (O.o). I have second thoughts about so many things because I’m afraid of getting hurt or hurting you.

I’m one of those people who push you away if you’re getting too close. I’m not sure why but I do. Sometimes I pull away for good, sometimes it’s just for a while. Just depends.

I’m not one of those people who get obsessive about anyone, especially about people who I’ll just meet. And I don’t think internet relationships are genuine, they’re creepy. If you have an internet relationship then that’s kind of odd, why not start something with someone real, someone you could see. Once again, creepy and kind of desperate in my opinion.

I’m one of those Asians who, without doubt, has spelling errors (thank god for spell check).I’m usually a bad Asian.. yeah, I can fold pieces of paper, so what? That’s just being stereotypical and that’s a “no no”, as some like to point out.
I’m me and I love being me sometimes =) Most of the time I go with the flow but if I don’t want to do it then I won’t, it’s as easy as that. It's fine with me if I have to stand up for something I believe in, even if I have to stand alone.

come on, dont punk out

They say be smart, know your limits, control yourself. What if we thought we were being smart? What if we thought we knew where our limits? What if we can’t control ourselves? Yesterday, I realized the fact that we might not know ourselves as well as we would hope. You think to yourself that it’s only one and then you’d stop or just until a certain point, then you’ll quit. When they say, “push yourself to the limit”, I highly doubt they were talking about your morals. I’m sure if you were to ask people if they planned to end up the way they did, they’d have no clue how it’d happen. It’s not something most people would strive for. We all understand the strong temptations of curiosity and peer pressure but its how you handle them that matters.

crap...i forgot?

It’s only been the first month, in the already very long year, and I’ve already done things I regret. Well… I don’t know if I would use the word regret but I do feel uneasy about my decisions. Should I have done what I did or say what I thought? Most likely not. I've even put things off that would've made this year even more exciting. I have yet to receive my license which I could’ve gotten at the beginning of the year but was too unpracticed to even attempt to get on the bypass.Fml. I had already planned on road trips out of state but I guess I should’ve planned out more practice time with the car. This school year has turned out to be more eventful and secretive than other years. I’m sure that next year will bring more new first and even more shocking secrets.

2010

It’s finally 2010. Only a year left till we graduate high school and move on next to college. As we grow physically and mentally we must leave behind what we have feared and use what we have conquered in our future. Open your eyes to what can come instead of what may. Leave behind the bad memories and just carry forward the lessons and morels you’ve learned from them. Of course some goals and friends have changed, but never let go of you. Don’t become one of those people who feed off misery or mooch off others. Become someone you’re not ashamed to hide. If you keep walking with your head down then we’ll keep seeing you as the lonely girl who never seems to fit in. If you keep yelling crap in the hall ways we’ll see you as the arrogant jerk that you seem to be. Show yourself as you want others to see you. Be confident. Be proud. And quit slouching.